Driving

When I headed home from Abilene on Thursday, I had my first enlightening experience of the weekend. I was almost to Clyde and this young lady decided to move over in the left hand lane because there was a truck in the right about 2 miles in front of her. Guess she needed plenty of time to get around the truck since she was barely moving. I decided to move over to the right hand lane for two reasons, 1. she was poking along and 2. there was a SUV barreling down on my rear end. About the time I move over, Pokey McPokerson moves over in front of me. I let the SUV go by and then get over to pass Pokey. I get about even with the back right door and Pokey must have realized the truck was now only a mile in front of her so she GUNS it and pulls around in front of me in the left hand lane. As we are passing the truck, she slams on her breaks because there must have been a ghost of an animal that once tried to cross the road because there was nothing or noone in front of her. I almost hit her...with my car. She gets back over in front of the truck and it was like someone pressed replay...maybe God because he was testing my ability to stay calm under the influence of stupidity. As I try to pass her again, Pokey gets back in front of me and presses the breaks again. We were closer to passing another truck this time, so it didn't take her forever to get around and back in the right hand lane. This time I was able to pass Pokey and when I passed her, she was twirling her hair around her pointer finger blocking her face because she was afraid of what I was going to do. I really wanted to flip her my pinky finger, but instead I just gave her the stink eye and she exited and I ran off the road...JK!! 
About 30 minutes later, I'm cruising along and this little sports car starts to pass me. I look over and I almost wrecked because I thought the driver was Kliff Kingsbury. I thought God had given me my wish since I had handled the previous situation with such grace. In between breaths in the brown bag...because I was hyperventilating not taking a swig of booze...I looked over and on the back bumper of his car was a Tech emblem. IT WAS HIM!! So I did what any responsible person would do, let him get ahead of me and then floor it to catch up and pass...in the meantime I freshened my makeup, plucked my eyebrows, and changed clothes...I finally caught up to the car and passed. I looked over ready to flash him...a smile...get your mind out of the gutter...It wasn't him. That is when I realized...I have a Kliff Kingsbury problem. I need help...I wonder if he could help me. 
Friday I drove to Houston and it was dark on the majority of my drive. My eyes like to play tricks on me at night when I'm driving. At one point, I thought I saw the Grim from Harry Potter and almost crapped my pants. I realized it was just a shadow on the road. There are worse things than the Grim. I thought the Dementors were out, which means the Death Eaters weren't too far behind, when I made it to downtown Houston. I rushed to the apartment. 
On my way home from Houston Saturday, I thought I saw Johnny Manziel in College Station driving an incognito Dodge Charger, but then I remembered he was in New York loosing the Heisman to an accused Sex Offender....legal please don't get me for my remarks. As it got darker, more and more people I met had on their bright lights. When did people start leaving the brights on ALL the time, especially when behind another driver and when meeting a driver head on. I was blinded by the light...wrapped up like a deuce...another roller in the night. Glad to be home, but I get to go to Abilene again today!! On the road again...

Open Letter

     I blame this post on not being able to get out of the house for two straight days due to faux snow, which decided to cover the streets and turn to ice. I have seen open letters to Miley Cyrus and Johnny Manziel, so I have taken it upon myself to write one. I realize this letter will never be seen by the subject and probably anyone for that matter, but I'm writing it anyway. I must say everything I put in here should not be used against me in a court of law because this is meant to be used for entertainment purposes. 

     Dear Kliff Kingsbury,

  I'm sure you get this a lot, but I wanted you to know I'm your biggest fan! You don't know who I am, and I could literally be the BIGGEST fan. Rest assured, I'm not, but if this ice won't melt, and I can't get out to exercise, I might end up with that title. I'm your biggest fan not because you are EXTREMELY good looking, but because of your ability to be extremely good looking AND turn around a football program that has been struggling the past few years. I knew who you were when you were the quarterback for Tech, but I lost you when you graduated and turned pro. I heard your named mentioned a time or two when you were at Houston, but I found you again when you surfaced as the quarterback coach at A&M. I'm not really sure how you became so popular at that coaching stop, maybe it was how good you treated Miss Rev. 

  I've heard critics say that you should spend more time coaching than looking in a mirror. Forget them, keep looking in the mirror. If you have misplaced your mirror, you can borrow mine or use my cell phone with the camera facing you like you are taking a selfie...I've heard that works, but I haven't ever done that. You must be doing alright with looking in the mirror and coaching because your team started off the season hot, just like you. Granted y'all hit a bit of a rough patch at the end, but y'all shouldn't be disappointed, your stubble looked great EVERY game, and you rocked that headset. How do you get that stubble so uniform all the time? I'm impressed. I didn't miss a Tech game all season. I yelled and hollered every game...when they showed you on the sidelines. You got tons of air time. I'm glad, because who wants to see Mack Brown run his hand through his hair...NO ONE!! I thought it was great how you treated your players when they would come off the field. I don't ever recall you yelling at them, unless you knew the camera was on you and you wanted to show the ladies your softer side. Whatever the case, it worked. You are a down to earth coach that knows how to reach the players or so it seems. Hopefully you don't lock players inside an electrical closet. Discipline should come in the form of cleaning your car or brushing your hair 100 times, and if they won't I will. Players seem to respect you and your coaching staff. I respect you and your stubble. Instead of helmet stickers, I like to think you hand out puppies. Do you rescue them in your free time?

  I know that you have girls, women, cougars, and maybe even some men throwing themselves at you. Ignore them. They are gold diggers. Kliff I know you are married to the game, but if you ever find yourself wanting more...I'm here for you. I don't mind stubble, perfect hair, and Red Raiders. I love black and red. I can be your "Hey Girl!"