Back in the Saddle

Hi there! It's me, the long lost wannabe blogger. I'm back, well at least for today. I realized it had been almost a year since I had posted anything and I thought to myself, because there isn't anyone around to talk to, you need to post something. I'm going to try and post about 2 times a week...TRY is the key word. If I keep this up, I could become one of those famous bloggers and maybe get my own book deal. 

I noticed that my last post was about the incident at the nail salon...here's an update. The fungus spread to the other half of my toenail. My left toe looks like the nail of an 80 year old man that refuses to admit his thick yellow toenails are a problem. Good news is I went to the doctor and hopefully this 2 year long ordeal will be over in a few months. I bet this is why I'm still single...I can't wear nail polish on any of my toes because the Jublia eats right through it...classy! Who wants a girl with bare toenails, missing half a nail, and a fungus?!?!? 

Toenail Fungus...that EW! is not really on my toe

Keeping in theme with the fungus...last night after I removed my mascara I felt something in my eye. So what did I do?!? I rubbed it...and rubbed it....and rubbed it. Not what you should do, but I'm addicted to eye rubbing. Nothing came out except some tears...no I wasn't crying...there's no crying in having some foreign object wedged under your eyelid. It felt like I had one tiny, annoying grain of sand up in there. I thought that going to bed might help...it helps with everything else I'm trying to get rid of or avoid...like the massive amount of chocolate in my kitchen from Teacher Appreciation Week or the mound of laundry that needs to be done or the headache I've had for 4 weeks while being on the CG Nutrition Challenge. I was wrong going to bed didn't help, I could feel that log moving around...I wish it had been a log because I would have yanked it out. I needed something to flush my eye out...couldn't they use another word besides flush...it's not a toilet. I remembered that I had a spray bottle, so what did I do...you guessed it...I squirted my eye with a spray bottle...I held up my lid and boom...water sprayed all up in there...yeah it didn't work. The only thing that helped was a warm washcloth pressed against my closed eye...I was pressing so hard, I think I pushed my eye back...it's a joke. I woke up at one point with pain again, so I googled how to flush out your eye...I had my solution but it was going to have to wait until the morning. 

I woke up and decided to flush my eye...after I flushed the toilet. The article said that I could use a cup and if I just tilted my head back I could allow the water to run into my eye. This had disaster written all over it, but the challenge was accepted. I sat on the edge of the bathtub, leaned back, held my eye open, and poured the water to my eye. It wasn't that graceful...the water ran all over my face, which then ran to my shirt and shorts. Yep...I was flushed, but my eye wasn't. I got to school...our fabulous school nurse took a look at it, and again it was flushed with some saline, but a professional. I did however have to lay on the "beds" in the nurse's office...in a dress...it was a little odd. The saline did nothing except run over my face and relieve the pain for a few minutes. I managed to go all day without rubbing...maybe my addiction is over. 

I made an appointment at Pinnacle Eye Care After waiting in a burning hot room forever...the doctor came in, made me cry...again not really crying because there is no crying in having a foreign object in your eye...put some yellow dye in my eye...at least I hope it was dye. She got the tiny speck of something...not mascara...out from underneath my eyelid. When she first came in she was asking about medication I was currently taking, I forgot to mention the Jublia, but she had this high tech system that could pull up my prescriptions...I felt like she was invading my privacy, what if I had some prescription that I didn't want her knowing about...like Jublia. I had to explain why there was a steroid and Jublia listed. I told her I was training to be a body builder, and I got a toe fungus. I don't think she believed me. I really was hoping for an eye patch, but all I got was an antibiotic/steroid...body building here I come!!

PSA: Beware of the Nail Salon

I realize I haven't posted on here in awhile. Believe me, I have lots of material since starting my new job, but it would be highly illegal for me to post it on the world wide web. That being said, I'm writing about my experience getting a pedicure...4 months ago. 

This experience took place while I was in training in Abilene. I will not protect the identity of those involved...ok maybe I will because I'm scared of jail...I've actually been in one now...to visit a client...not as a prisoner. So, one day after a long day of training, a fellow training attendee and I decided to go get a pedicure at the Grandiose Mall of Abilene. I have always thought pedicures were so relaxing, until this fateful day...I knew it was going to be trouble when I saw the guy who was going to be my footeuse (masseuse for the feet). The guy had done my nails only weeks before and cut the crap out of my cuticle because he couldn't stop shaking...if this guy has Parkinson's he does not need to be working on hands or feet...I believe he just was on too much nicotine or having withdrawals from something MUCH stronger. Anyway, he starts working on my feet that were soaking in the lukewarm water, but I didn't complain because I didn't want to get cut...WELL I should have complained because he cut me anyway. He nicked my big toe on the left foot...my natural reflex was to kick...I didn't hit him too hard, but I think he got the point. JK!! I didn't kick him physically, but mentally I was working him over. He just pressed his finger to the bleeding cut and went on about his business. Toes looked great when he was done, even a little blood design could stop their awesomeness. 

Fast forward three weeks, I was headed back to Abilene for training and before I left my humble abode in Eastland, I decided to cut my toenails. Well, I trimmed my nails and worked over my cuticles, when all of a sudden, my big toe on my left foot started throbbing. I didn't think much about it until I got to Abilene and looked at it...it was swollen and red and I could barely walk. I couldn't put on a shoe and had to go out to dinner with one shoe and one sandal...I got lots of guys numbers that night. I was looking hot to trot. I put neosporin and a band aid on it thanks to another training friend. I had to sleep with it elevated to keep the pain and throbbing away. The next day it was a little better...at least I could walk. I was at a total loss at what was causing my big toe to hurt...then I remembered Sir Shakes-A-Lot and the nick on my toe...the pain was at the exact cut point. I called my lawyer to get ready to sue...ok I just called my mom to whine, but she's almost like a lawyer...sometimes. The pain and redness went away after a few days and when I got home I soaked it in Epsom salt to suck out the impurities...It worked!! or so I thought. I had no pain or redness again and I was a new person....that is until I got a new pedicure...the nice little lady that did my nails, asked, "What happened?!?!?" that was in response to seeing a "bruise" on my nail. "OH I don't know" I did not have the heart to tell her that one of her fellow country men, had screwed up my nail. Again I thought it was good to go until two weekends ago and the bottom of my nail was sticking up...It was coming off...my nail polish came off and my nail look ratched...it was loose and yellow and still bruised looking...I gagged. As I sit here today typing this Public Service Announcement, I have half a toe nail...again I'm fighting the guys off...can't beat a girl with 9 painted toes and a FUNGUS on the 10th!! 

Nail Salons are not as clean and sterile as they advertise...I'm never getting another pedicure...that is until my nail grows back..I might just buy my own instruments and take them with me everywhere..."Oh, pretty color...you want fungus to go with it?" "You want design or fungus?" "Design 7 (dollars), fungus free"

Driving

When I headed home from Abilene on Thursday, I had my first enlightening experience of the weekend. I was almost to Clyde and this young lady decided to move over in the left hand lane because there was a truck in the right about 2 miles in front of her. Guess she needed plenty of time to get around the truck since she was barely moving. I decided to move over to the right hand lane for two reasons, 1. she was poking along and 2. there was a SUV barreling down on my rear end. About the time I move over, Pokey McPokerson moves over in front of me. I let the SUV go by and then get over to pass Pokey. I get about even with the back right door and Pokey must have realized the truck was now only a mile in front of her so she GUNS it and pulls around in front of me in the left hand lane. As we are passing the truck, she slams on her breaks because there must have been a ghost of an animal that once tried to cross the road because there was nothing or noone in front of her. I almost hit her...with my car. She gets back over in front of the truck and it was like someone pressed replay...maybe God because he was testing my ability to stay calm under the influence of stupidity. As I try to pass her again, Pokey gets back in front of me and presses the breaks again. We were closer to passing another truck this time, so it didn't take her forever to get around and back in the right hand lane. This time I was able to pass Pokey and when I passed her, she was twirling her hair around her pointer finger blocking her face because she was afraid of what I was going to do. I really wanted to flip her my pinky finger, but instead I just gave her the stink eye and she exited and I ran off the road...JK!! 
About 30 minutes later, I'm cruising along and this little sports car starts to pass me. I look over and I almost wrecked because I thought the driver was Kliff Kingsbury. I thought God had given me my wish since I had handled the previous situation with such grace. In between breaths in the brown bag...because I was hyperventilating not taking a swig of booze...I looked over and on the back bumper of his car was a Tech emblem. IT WAS HIM!! So I did what any responsible person would do, let him get ahead of me and then floor it to catch up and pass...in the meantime I freshened my makeup, plucked my eyebrows, and changed clothes...I finally caught up to the car and passed. I looked over ready to flash him...a smile...get your mind out of the gutter...It wasn't him. That is when I realized...I have a Kliff Kingsbury problem. I need help...I wonder if he could help me. 
Friday I drove to Houston and it was dark on the majority of my drive. My eyes like to play tricks on me at night when I'm driving. At one point, I thought I saw the Grim from Harry Potter and almost crapped my pants. I realized it was just a shadow on the road. There are worse things than the Grim. I thought the Dementors were out, which means the Death Eaters weren't too far behind, when I made it to downtown Houston. I rushed to the apartment. 
On my way home from Houston Saturday, I thought I saw Johnny Manziel in College Station driving an incognito Dodge Charger, but then I remembered he was in New York loosing the Heisman to an accused Sex Offender....legal please don't get me for my remarks. As it got darker, more and more people I met had on their bright lights. When did people start leaving the brights on ALL the time, especially when behind another driver and when meeting a driver head on. I was blinded by the light...wrapped up like a deuce...another roller in the night. Glad to be home, but I get to go to Abilene again today!! On the road again...

Open Letter

     I blame this post on not being able to get out of the house for two straight days due to faux snow, which decided to cover the streets and turn to ice. I have seen open letters to Miley Cyrus and Johnny Manziel, so I have taken it upon myself to write one. I realize this letter will never be seen by the subject and probably anyone for that matter, but I'm writing it anyway. I must say everything I put in here should not be used against me in a court of law because this is meant to be used for entertainment purposes. 

     Dear Kliff Kingsbury,

  I'm sure you get this a lot, but I wanted you to know I'm your biggest fan! You don't know who I am, and I could literally be the BIGGEST fan. Rest assured, I'm not, but if this ice won't melt, and I can't get out to exercise, I might end up with that title. I'm your biggest fan not because you are EXTREMELY good looking, but because of your ability to be extremely good looking AND turn around a football program that has been struggling the past few years. I knew who you were when you were the quarterback for Tech, but I lost you when you graduated and turned pro. I heard your named mentioned a time or two when you were at Houston, but I found you again when you surfaced as the quarterback coach at A&M. I'm not really sure how you became so popular at that coaching stop, maybe it was how good you treated Miss Rev. 

  I've heard critics say that you should spend more time coaching than looking in a mirror. Forget them, keep looking in the mirror. If you have misplaced your mirror, you can borrow mine or use my cell phone with the camera facing you like you are taking a selfie...I've heard that works, but I haven't ever done that. You must be doing alright with looking in the mirror and coaching because your team started off the season hot, just like you. Granted y'all hit a bit of a rough patch at the end, but y'all shouldn't be disappointed, your stubble looked great EVERY game, and you rocked that headset. How do you get that stubble so uniform all the time? I'm impressed. I didn't miss a Tech game all season. I yelled and hollered every game...when they showed you on the sidelines. You got tons of air time. I'm glad, because who wants to see Mack Brown run his hand through his hair...NO ONE!! I thought it was great how you treated your players when they would come off the field. I don't ever recall you yelling at them, unless you knew the camera was on you and you wanted to show the ladies your softer side. Whatever the case, it worked. You are a down to earth coach that knows how to reach the players or so it seems. Hopefully you don't lock players inside an electrical closet. Discipline should come in the form of cleaning your car or brushing your hair 100 times, and if they won't I will. Players seem to respect you and your coaching staff. I respect you and your stubble. Instead of helmet stickers, I like to think you hand out puppies. Do you rescue them in your free time?

  I know that you have girls, women, cougars, and maybe even some men throwing themselves at you. Ignore them. They are gold diggers. Kliff I know you are married to the game, but if you ever find yourself wanting more...I'm here for you. I don't mind stubble, perfect hair, and Red Raiders. I love black and red. I can be your "Hey Girl!"

Race Day!

Today was the The Toughest 10k in Kemah, which is part of a bridge race series. Not sure why any beginner 10k runner would choose to run a race with the word TOUGHEST in the name, but I'm not just any beginner 10k runner...I'm special...not ed! I figured I'd been to Kemah a couple of times and had driven over the bridge and it didn't seem too bad, so I signed up! Plus Joy (I've changed her name to protect her...ok I really didn't change her name), caught me at an adventurous time during the summer. You haters out there, I know there are people that run more and are in better shape than me, but I've never been a runner and still wouldn't call myself one, but I'm gonna talk about my adventures because it's not something I've ever done before, so talk to the hand! 

Friday it rained all day and not just rained regular, there were often ginormous downpours, which left the ground nice and saturated....oh wait we were on asphalt...nevermind! Saturday had a 100% chance of rain so I was prepared, especially after running the Susan G. Koman in Waco last year in the rain. I had waterproof shoes, shirt, and leggings...no, no I didn't, but I did bring a towel and flip flops to put on after the race...I left those in my car. When I got to the Kemah Boardwalk, it wasn't raining and I just hoped it would hold off until I got finished or at least close...like a block away. There were tons of people and of course right away I started sizing up my competition, which is NEVER a good idea, but I can't NOT do it! Oh I can beat her, she has an oxygen tank...oh that guy has one leg...yep never good because you'll be in a groove and then all of a sudden an oxygen tank appears in your peripherial vision followed by Mr. One leg. That's when you should push harder, but instead you just ask for a puff of oxygen. 

Joy and I decided to pay a visit to the amazing bathroom facilities in the parking garage...AKA the port-a-potty. They were NOT amazing even though they were arranged in a nice green and pink pattern. It was so dark in there I couldn't see anything, which in a port-a-potty is a good thing, but I at least needed the general vicinity of the hole, so I had to use my phone....this would be better if I said I dropped my phone in the solid and liquid waste hole, but I didn't...I guess you can quit reading now. While we were in line, this lady in front of us asked if we knew where the starting line was and we said no. The lady had on a A&M marathon shirt and Joy asked if she was an Aggie, she was and so I piped up and asked what year...you know that whole exchange took place. Verbal diarrhea set in and I said we were running our first 10k....she went on to tell me that running was awesome and she had been doing it since she was 9 and that I'd get that passion and I'd sign up for a half marathon and then eventually a full marathon. I busted out laughing. She just looked at me and then turned and went to the potty. 

While waiting for the race to get started, I got to thinking, I can do this...6.2 miles ain't no thang!! I got this in the bag...probably the barf bag, but a bag nonetheless. Race started and I'm still feeling good. I had set a good pace...slow but good!! The first part was flat, which was nice and deceiving. It wasn't until I had made the curve to head to up the bridge for the 1st time. This is when I wanted to turn and run....back to my car...it was the feeling I get when I try and ride roller coasters and wait in the line and then panic right as I'm about to get in the seat, so I end up stepping over and waiting for everyone to finish. Yep I'm that person. I had already made a plan to walk up the bridge and then run. It was great the first two times up the bridge and then when my run/walk homies (yep I didn't know them and I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be their homey) and I turned to go up the bridge the 3rd time, the rain started. Blowing rain was beating my face as I walked up that bridge...my eye started burning but I had nowhere dry to wipe it and then the worst thing happened...my nose started running. I should have followed it!! When it came time to run, I wanted to sprint because it meant I would be that much closer to the end...approximately 3 miles away. To make matters worse, the first of the runners had started passing us, and some were finishing, and I found myself being totally jealous. These are the short shorts (men and women), no shirt, or just a sports bra runners. Oh I forgot...on the second time up the bridge I'm almost to the top and I hear..."go Waco" it was the Aggie from the potty! I wanted to trip her as she sprinted past and down the hill. I still had two more times over the bridge. The rain somewhat let up, but not a whole lot!! I ran/walked the rest of way down from the bridge. I couldn't feel my legs...I felt like Lt. Dan. Once that finish line was in sight, I picked up the pace...I had stored some in my back pocket in case I got peckish I could have a snack! As I crossed the finish line, God announced my name, whoever it was they didn't let all they male hotties know that I was single and might be needing mouth to mouth! Another missed opportunity!! 

Just keepin' it real!

Pippen

Patience is a virtue

I feel like there is always something going on that I could write about, but I'm gonna spare you all. I've found myself thinking everywhere I go, "I could blog about that" "I could blog about that" "Whoa! Better not blog about that." I'm pretty sure the reason I moved to Houston was to focus on going back to school...NOT the next thing I could blog about. Well obviously the timing between my posts gets further apart...I'm trying to focus on school, but at this moment I'd rather blog. If you are concerned that I'm not doing my school work, I am...in fact I've just spent the most part of today doing pre-cal, except for the times I laid on the couch to watch Bones on TNT, went to pick up my race packet, fixed lunch, texted some peeps...yep that's about it, but my pre-cal homework is submitted!! 

Since the last time I posted, I haven't seen anything too off the wall, except a random piece of weave lying on the sidewalk the other day. This guy behind asked his friend, "was that HAIR?!?" I almost turned around and said, "It's weave...get it right!!" For a minute, I almost got in defense mode waiting for two girls to be fighting nearby because the only time I've seen weave laying on the ground was during and after a girl fight...some of which I was in the middle of...trying to break up not participate...goodness. I'm a lover, not a fighter. Usually the weave was the best part of the fight...some kids liked to pick it up and keep it as a souvenir...maybe that was teachers...or janitors that picked it up...whatever. Whoever lost that weave on campus, call and I'll return it...I mean I hope it wasn't special because the braid looked nice. 

Today I went to my only class and was afraid I was going to have to swim there. I would have been out of luck because I left my floaties at home. By the time I got to campus, it had quit so I decided I would try and beat the rain that I had been driving in. My Toms and I hustled to get the building, so my two Toms and I waited for an hour in class before it actually started. We had a "major" quiz today. We had to name the metalloids, noble gases, chalcogens, alkaline earth metals, give their electrons, neutrons, and electron configuration in 25 minutes using a periodic table on a screen. I think the professor has lost his mind. My hand was writing as fast as ever, good luck reading it! The periodic table was so small you could barely see the mass #, the names weren't on there, so you had to do your best with spelling, which HAD to be correct. I'm sorry if it isn't oxygen, carbon, neon, ect I'm not going to know how to spell it!! I needed a Xanax, which I don't take, but I was willing to buy one off someone. I'm not sure why everything has to be timed!! By the end of class, I was so ready to get out of there I practically sprinted to the door. Wouldn't you know, it started raining as soon as class was out...small drops at first and then the bottom fell out....good thing I had my trusty mini umbrella...it made me more wet! You know when umbrellas aren't in use, you can walk at a decent distance from a person and not be in their "space." That goes out the window when umbrellas are out and open...what would normally be a fine distance, is suddenly right there on you. The umbrella must be empowering to some because they don't even change their paths and if you are in that path, you better watch out because you are going down!! You have to duck and dodge and dive to get out of people's way. I'm not sure, but I think about 5 people got in my way...they'll know better next time. The Toms were really mad when I got to the car because they forgot their floaties too and they almost drowned! At one point on my hike to the car, I figured out why the bicycles aren't ridden. The owners don't know how to drive. I guess karma was going to pay me back from taking out people with my umbrella because I was almost hit head on by a one handed bike rider. Calm down I'm not being rude, she was holding an umbrella with one hand and the handle bar with the other hand...not smart. She was swerving all over the place I thought I was going to have to report her for reckless driving. She slowly swerved in my path and kept right on riding until I stopped and looked at her with my scary look. She slowly moved back out of my way and kept on going. Good thing I bought the Xanax off of Mr. Coolio in class or I would have been really stressed out. Again, the previous sentence is a joke, I didn't buy anything off of anyone...lately.

Dueces,

Pippen

Cooler than Me

Monday I noticed something around campus that I hadn't noticed before...bikes! Not just any bikes...parked bikes. EVERYWHERE! I'm not sure why I haven't noticed them before, well maybe it's because I never see anyone RIDING them. Yes I know the riders might be in class, but I've never almost been run over by a bicycle in three weeks. At A&M I was constantly dodging them, it was almost like Frogger. These kids have everything backwards...carry skateboards, but don't ride them, park bikes but don't ride them. I guess they are wasting their money...wait...their parent's money to look cool, but really a skateboard/bike don't make you cool...everyone knows it's the type of sunglasses you wear! 

Speaking of sunglasses, this guy in my chem class...another guy not the cell phone guy...I've moved on. So this guy whips out some aviator sunglasses with highly polarized lenses and starts cleaning them during the middle of class. I must admit I was concerned about my cheap, teal, Target sunglasses and really wanted to rescue them from their uncleanliness, but my yearning for chem knowledge took over. After he cleans them to wear he can send out the "cool" signal, he puts them on the back of his neck, as if I wasn't distracted already, now I can see myself in the lenses. Seeing oneself upside down and distorted is enough to make one actually pay attention to the lecture. Tip of the hat to you Mr. Aviators. Monday Mr. Aviators walks in with a brand new ear piercing. He's upping the wannabe cool scale...Gotcha beat...I've got BOTH my ears pierced!! Boom!! 

I had to take my car to the "shop" this morning, and since I don't know anyone in my general vicinity that could pick me up I got to ride in the courtesy vehicle, with Jose and a Galveston County Constable. I didn't want to get on the wrong side of the law so I said it was ok to drop him off first even though he was far away. I'm glad I'm nice, because riding listening to those two men talk was quite entertaining. I learned about '94-'01 Toyota Four Runners and what a great car they were/are. Being a courtesy car driver was a great fit for Jose, he sounded Italian, but I'm pretty sure he was Hispanic, and he was just a bundle of energy and outgoingness...I know that's not a word, so get over it. He told a story to Mr. Constable about using his power washer to clean his car last night because the washer needs to get used every so often, while he was cooking some beans on low for his wife. Well he got busy with the washer (not in the nasty way...pervs) and forgot about the beans...oops! He burned the beans!! Once Mr. Constable got dropped off, it was just Jose and me in the car. He opened and closed the door for me...I kind of felt like I was on a dream date...except I was just with the married courtesy car driver, but it was like a date because he asked me a lot of personal questions...how long have you lived here? do you have a family? you wear a thong, bikinis, or granny panties? That last question was a total joke...please don't call and report Jose. I asked him if he just drove people all day and he said he does and it's good because he gets to drive nice people like me and then he shook my hand. He shook my hand about 5 times the whole trip. Glad I remembered I wasn't on a date or I might have tried to hold the hand. 

One parting note...if you want to eat Fiber One muffins...take it one muffin at a time and don't eat two or more in one sitting multiple days in row...you might be moved by the spirit at an inappropriate time...just sayin!!  

Peace out!

Pippen